Hey sis,
I have to start with an apology.
Chapter 10 was supposed to be out last week—April 19th. But sis, I had to take a break.
I really thought I was in the clear. I thought I had made it past the worst of it. But out of nowhere… the nightmares came back.
The panic attacks in my sleep. The restless tossing. The haunting dreams. The nail biting.
That tight feeling in my chest. That urge to disappear, to run and hide from everything and everyone—even myself.
I didn’t see it coming. I thought I was okay. But healing? Whew… it has a funny way of circling back just when you think you’ve got your footing.
Ironically, I didn’t even realize the last post ended at T – TAKE REST.
Turns out, my spirit knew before I did. I needed to pause. I needed to breathe. I needed to survive this next part before I could write about it.
Reliving these moments has been the hardest part of my healing journey.
If I had to describe how it feels, imagine vomiting up years of pain — then being forced to sort through it, picking out the undigested pieces and swallowing them again. I know it’s graphic, but that’s the only way I can explain just how raw and exhausting this process has been.
No let me be ever so clear! Yes, I’m grateful to have this platform. Grateful to share my truth with you. But I have to be honest — telling the truth still hurts.
Chapter 9 was the most difficult to put into words.
It’s one thing to tell you what happened. It’s an entirely different thing to explain what it took to get out. And maybe I’m struggling because in a lot of ways… I’m still getting out.
Lately, I’ve been tangled in a storm of writer’s block. I keep asking myself:
- Am I saying too much?
- Am I saying too little?
- What’s necessary to share, and what can stay sacred?
- Is this going to embarrass myself and even worse my family?
- Will anyone even hear me? And if they do… will they understand?
The fear is real, sis.
I’m scared my words will vanish into the internet — like so many other untold stories.
I’m scared my voice isn’t strong enough, my writing not clear enough, my truth not loud enough.
As I quiet my mind and try to write… I hear it. The doubt. I constantly have to remind myself that, that’s my past self-talking. Sometimes, it’s still in Cipher’s voice.
“You’re not good enough.”
You aren’t important.”
“No one is going to hear or believe you”.
These thoughts were planted in my mind over years — and sometimes they grow back like stubborn weeds if I’m not careful. Even now, when I seem healed and whole… I’m still healing.
I want to remind you that healing isn’t a destination — it’s a lifelong practice. It’s messy. It’s exhausting. It’s brave. It requires REST. And it doesn’t come with a neat little checklist. I write these words to coach you through your storm… But truthfully? I’m still coaching myself, every single day. And that’s okay.
The biggest lesson I want to share from that moment?
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. LISTEN TO YOUR MIND. LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL.
When you need rest — take it.
Take it unapologetically. Take it honestly. Take it because you deserve to.
You are the only one living your life, sis. No one else can feel what you feel.
If your body is whispering, “I’m tired,” or your mind is screaming, “I need a break,” — listen.
Without rest, we crumble. We burn out. We disconnect.
Here’s the thing — many of us were raised in a culture that glorifies hustle and grind.
We were taught: #TEAM NO SLEEP, # CANT STOP WONT STOP, #REST LATER.
Our elders, our environments, and even social media have conditioned us to believe that rest is a reward — not a right. We’ve been made to feel guilty for slowing down, like we’re lazy or unmotivated if we pause.
But sis, that’s a fucking lie.
Here’s the truth raw and unfiltered: rest is essential. It’s not just about sleeping. Rest is about restoration. It’s about quieting the noise so we can hear ourselves think again.
Resting can come in so many different shapes and sizes. Rest can be turning your phone off, or sitting in silence, or journaling what’s in your heart. Rest can be as simple as breathing deeply, letting your soul exhale, or even watching the clouds move without guilt (when’s the last time you looked up at the sky? … EXACTLY!) Shit sis, rest can even be twerking.. whatever you’re into 🙂 I ain’t judging
Stress doesn’t just weigh on our minds—it silently steals our health, our joy, and our future. For Black women, especially single mothers, the burden is often invisible but unbearably heavy.
We carry the weight of generational trauma, systemic racism, gender bias, and family survival all on our shoulders. And still, we’re expected to “stay strong.” But strength without rest, without healing, becomes a slow unraveling.
Sis, let me let you in on a little secret. This isn’t just happening to me. This is happening to so many of us. Let me hit you with the facts real quick.
Black women are 60% more likely to experience high levels of chronic stress compared to white women, according to the American Psychological Association.
Chronic stress—especially from racism, abuse, and caregiving—can lead to higher rates of heart disease, hypertension, and stroke, making stress one of the leading silent killers of Black women, particularly single mothers.
Many of us are in a constant state of fight or flight, even when we smile, show up for others, or go to work. Chronic stress increases our risk of heart disease, stroke, and autoimmune issues—yet we rarely talk about it until it’s too late.
This is not just about stress—it’s about survival.
That’s why I created the R.E.S.T.O.R.E. framework—not just as a method for healing. It’s a life-line. It’s a mantra A way of living. A constant reminder. Because healing isn’t a luxury for us. It’s a necessity.
Each step of R.E.S.T.O.R.E. is designed to interrupt the cycle, honor your experience, and offer tangible ways to protect your peace, your body, and your spirit:
- R – Research: Learn the truth behind your stress and trauma. Knowledge is power.
- E – Express: Journal your pain and your victories. Document your experiences. Because your story matters.
- S – Sweat: Move your body to release what words can not.
- T – Take Rest: You are worthy of deep rest. It’s not laziness—it’s resistance. You don’t need to earn rest — you need it just because you’re human.
- O – Organize Resources: Find your circle. Build your support.
- R – Reclaim Identity: You are more than what happened to you.
- E – Empower Others: Healing becomes real when we help another woman rise.
Let me remind you of something simple but powerful:
You are allowed to stop.
You are allowed to say, “I need a moment.” You are allowed to rest before you are forced to by illness, burnout, or breakdown.
So today, I want you to stop and notice the sky. Take five minutes and watch the way the sunlight hits the trees. Count the clouds. Smell the God damn roses — for real. Let your shoulders drop. Take a deep breath.
This world will keep spinning.
But your peace, your health, your wholeness? That’s your responsibility.
So rest, sis.
Because you’re worth it — and you don’t need permission.
Now… whenever you’re ready. Let’s move on to Chapter 10. Oh, and before I go can I just remind you….
Strong Black Woman Syndrome Will Kill You. Rest Will Save You.
Chapter 10: The Road To Removal Part 2
Launching 4.25.25
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